Mom's Day

This Mother's Day happens to come not too long after my little girls one year birthday, so I have spent a lot of time recently reflecting on my journey to motherhood and motherhood, thus far. And my goodness, there are A LOT of emotions. So much that I honestly struggle explaining it. So forgive me if I am all over the place.

Here is the thing...I always knew I wanted to be a mom, like I was meant to be a mom. Which is why I fought so hard to get her. And I thought I somewhat knew what it was going to be like, being a mom. I have a big family, kids everywhere, so I considered myself prepared. HA! NOTHING can prepare you for being a mom, until you are one. True story.

Bud and I still just look at her, often and say, "I cannot believe she is really here." The raw emotion you feel, every day, for your child is unbelievable.

A year in, and we are still in awe that we are actually a mom and dad to this beautiful human being. A year in, and we have still been faced with many challenges as parents. She has had quite a few of instances where she has been very sick. And gosh, those times are the worst. Seeing her in pain or any form of discomfort is like someone stabbing you in the heart. She had to start daycare at 3 months old, so the sicknesses just keep on coming. And I still struggle with her having to go to daycare every day. It sucks actually. I just hate that after going through hell to have a baby, feeling so happy and excited that she is finally here and then having to let someone else take care of her 5 days a week, 10 hours a day. They get to see her MORE than her own parents do 5 days a week. 3 hours a day out of those 5 days, I actually get to spend time with her. IF I am home at a decent time.

I guess my perspective changed about a lot of things after becoming a mom. But that is what happens, right? These precious creatures change your entire outlook on life. And I don't know, maybe my outlook changed even more because of what we went through just to be parents. And why does it seem as if too many people are having to go through this similar journey now? What is going on??? I hate it! I am not sure if it is because I am just more aware of infertility or what, but it seems every time I am on social media anymore, I am learning about someone else who is struggling with this issue. My heart breaks every time I see anyone post something about it. However, I do think it is amazing that those that are struggling with fertility issues do talk about it and bring awareness to others. Maybe that is why I am seeing more about it from others, because I think it is finally being put out there to the public more. I love seeing other woman support each other during those difficult times. It shows you that you are not alone.

Especially during days like Mothers Day, certain holidays, when others are announcing their pregnancies. You may not understand it, but those days can be very hard on anyone that is struggling with having a baby. It does not mean you shouldn't celebrate your special days, but just having awareness for those that are close to you and struggling. Understanding that they may not be in the most chipper mood on days you would think they would. Being mindful of their feelings, even if you don't understand what it feels like first hand.

I personally want to say to any of you out there that are having difficult times conceiving...Please do not give up. Do not lose hope. And trust me, I know these are things you do not want to hear from people, but take it from someone who went through it. Do what you have to do to cope and do not worry about anything else. Focus on YOU and your partner. Cry when you feel like crying but keep doing the things that bring you happiness. DO NOT push yourself too hard. Take breaks from the medications. Go on dates with your partner. If you don't want to do something, don't do it, its not for anyone else to understand. Find a home project to work on (we did this a lot, lol). Go on a short getaway trip. Exercise. And do not settle for a doctor that you aren't 100% comfortable with.

Our second doctor we went to, was a life savior! And I believe a lot of our success came with her, because I was more comfortable with her. That is a big deal when you are going through such a stressful time. This weekend we actually were able to see them again, as they had a Baby Reunion for all of those families they have helped bring life into this world so far. It was so surreal when our baby girl reached out for our doctor. She doesn't just reach out for many people to hold her. And here she is, meeting her for the first time in person, and Rowan went right to her. That made us so happy to see. This doctor saw Rowan when she was nothing but a cell. She implanted Rowan into my body, and now here she is holding her a year later. Oh my gosh...it is so crazy! We will never be able to thank that fertility institute enough.

I am always open to talk to others about their journey. Having women reach out to me after sharing my story, was so rewarding. I felt so connected to these women, I did not even personally know. But when you can relate to their stories and be open and honest, you feel like you really know them. From all of this, I hope to teach my daughter as she grows, to always be kind to others no matter what. You never know what battles people are fighting.

I do not mean to ramble on about this topic, but this topic is what has molded me to who I am today. The mother that I am, because of it. The wife I am because of it. The friend I am because of it. Which is why Mothers Day will always be a day that I am reminded of my journey to becoming a mother. It will always be a day that I will always think of and pray for those that are fighting through a difficult journey to being a mother. And every day I will do my best to be the best mom I can be. I had a pretty good role model in my mother. If I can be half the mom she is, I think I will be alright.

Here is to many more years of crazy happiness with this angel baby. She has no idea how much her daddy and I love her. She is forever our miracle!! I am so lucky I get to be Rowan's mommy for the rest of my life.

And she thinks she needs me....

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL YOU KICK-ASS MOMMAS OUT THERE!!!!!!!!!!

That is all.