The Male Perspective | Part 2

I do want to make one thing clear. Not only for the readers, but for Lissa (again). It wasn’t her fault. None of this was. She had zero control over her body and what it was or was not allowing us to do. Why was this important? Because I had to make sure she always knew that. I had to always make sure she didn’t feel like less of a woman or wife to me because of what WE were going through. As hard as that was for her to comprehend at times, I knew I had to be strong for her. I tell you what though, she sure made that hard to do at times and she was very aware of that.

I will say it again. It wasn’t her fault. At all. Wait, did I already mention that? I did, because it wasn’t. Not even a little bit. Zero. Got it, yet? Okay, good. Moving forward...

The thing I personally struggled with the most was “the look.” Everyone remembers the look right? The one she explained so often that I always had? Yes, that one. Well, she had that tough persona that was similar to mine and she had her own look, too (We have so much in common that at times, it ridiculous!!). Her look told me everything. She often couldn’t find the words to spill the bad news, which was fine because she didn’t need to speak. I knew. Every. Single. Time. Her look was more times than not, followed by tears. A lot of them. I couldn’t handle that. I could see all of the blame. The struggle. Every injection. Bruise. Scar. The time. Money. Effort. Exhaustion. All of it, in every single tear that rolled down her face. Every one of those tears; every last sob, cut through me like a knife. If I ever had a breaking point, that was it. She got me. For the most part I was able to hold it together. You know, a real strong manly man!!! HA!! That was until those tears of heartache started rolling down her face. It was awful. You start to think about so many things in moments like that.

I remember several times coming home from work and there she would be, laying on the couch on a random Tuesday night, crying. Get out of the shower, random Sunday night. Tears. Bad news, again?? More tears. It Ripped. Me. Apart. The woman of my dreams, the most beautiful thing I had ever been lucky enough to lay eyes on. The person I wanted to do everything with. Vacations? Plenty of them. Buy a house? Done. Car? Got it for her. Be lazy with? Every Sunday. Dogs? Two, spoiled ass rotten dogs. Louisville games? A ton (GO CARDS!).

Having children of our own????? …………………………………..

At this point, it was something we had only been able to dream about. Something that was all around us. The questions and comments. The friends and family having children of their own, one after another it seemed like. The people who thought they were actually being funny when they joked about “What are you waiting on?” All of that seemed to come crashing down on us all at once. That look. Her look. When she gave it to me, it was the only time in my whole life that I legitimately felt helpless.

I never really knew about Lissa keeping tabs on every step of our journey. It wasn’t until we had nearly been through the ringer that she admitted to me that she had been writing emails to herself, documenting our struggles, and maybe one day potentially wanting to publish this information in a blog. Whether that eventually ever became a reality would certainly be her call, but from the start her intentions were so pure. Lissa has always been so selfless. Even during the darkest days in struggling with infertility, she always had it in the back of her mind that there would maybe be a bigger purpose of us going through all of this. A message that would be far greater than simply sharing our story. We didn't want sympathy from others, just wanted to educate others.

I always took note of how hard it was on her whenever she would see pregnancy announcement after announcement, all over social media. It almost seemed like it was every day. As badly as she wanted to get pregnant and scream that news at the top of her lungs; she had always told me that when our time came, if we were lucky enough that it ever did, she would want to find a more subtle way to announce that news to the world. The thought of our announcement one day, possibly causing pain and discouragement to someone else out there struggling, was more important to her than blasting a big announcement on everyone's social media feed. That was one of the main reasons why she liked the thought of creating her own blog. To inform others of the struggle in hopes that they can too find positivity within their battle regardless of their outcomes. And if people did not want to ready her blog, they wouldn't have to see an announcement, whenever that did happen. I always admired her for that, but putting others before herself was nothing new.

Once she explained her full intentions with me, I was all in. I couldn’t help but feel so proud of her for what she was wanting to do. Infertility is such a sensitive subject. Something that, as I mentioned before, you would never know about unless you lived through it. That is to no fault to anyone that hasn’t. I wouldn’t wish what we have gone through upon my worst enemy, if I had one. Believe it or not, someone you know right now…whether it be a lifelong friend, extended family member, acquaintance, or even an immediate family member that you talk to every day, may share the same struggles we have. Their journey may have just started, or for all you know, they may have been living their own nightmare for far longer than even Lissa and I could ever imagine.

Why is this a big deal you ask? I am not here to lecture any individual about what you should or shouldn’t do. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. We are all adults here. We know right from wrong. Good from bad. All I am asking from people is to be more aware and self-conscious about your surroundings. You NEVER truly know what someone is going through, regardless of their situation. The amount of times that pregnancy was brought up to Lissa and I over the last few years is almost mind boggling. At first, it wasn’t a big deal. People were just curious and wanting to know when we would be the next to have a baby. Once our struggle got to the point that it did though, it became tiring. It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t cool to talk about. We were tired of the jokes and “funnies” that people thought they were making. Again, we didn’t blame anyone, hold a grudge, or even get mad about it. We knew that most people are just ignorant about infertility.

That is the purpose of what we are trying to accomplish. Not to throw blame or shade, but inform. Inform people that everyone may not be as fortunate as you when it comes to starting your own family. Make people aware so that they do know better or for that matter, let it cross their mind the next time they are wanting to chime in on a friend or family member about the topic. Inform people that, consistently asking someone when are they going to have kids, why are they waiting, how old they are getting, etc. may not always be the best way to confront someone about having children. In fact, those are the absolute worst things you can possibly do. If someone wants to keep their struggle as a secret, that is their business. I can promise you, they will let you know what is going on when they are good and ready. When it is best for THEM!

Before I turn the writing back over to Lissa....I do want to thank those that have made it this far in our journey. I hope that you have found it to be not only eye opening, but informative. What my wife has turned these self sent emails into is nothing short of amazing. If just ONE person has found encouragement from what we have gone through so far, then this blog has been more than successful, regardless of where our journey may take us from here. To say that I am proud to be married to this woman is just a small glimmer of my gratitude for her. I have been fortunate enough as a reader as well to be caught up in our story, just like yourselves, all over again. I only hope that you have taken as much from this as we have given and I thank you all for being a part of it.

Ya'll are probably ready to find out what our results were from the IVF, aren't you?