Making Changes

Towards the end of May, my boss brought something to my attention, that she heard on the radio. One of our local radio stations was doing a contest for those who wanted to become mommy's, but were struggling. You had to submit your story online, in only 1000 CHARACTERS. If picked to win, they would pay for either an IVF treatment (Invitro Fertilization), IUI or embryo freezing treatment, depending on what your doctor said you qualified for. I was ecstatic! Knowing in the back of my mind that IVF was probably going to be our next and only choice, how awesome would it be to be ahead of the game and win something like this? We then wouldn't have all the added stress of paying $20,000 for IVF and we would be able to focus on the treatment. While it sounded great, reality set in. I couldn't help but think about the publicity that could come from this, IF chosen to win! We have been so private about our situation and to go from super private to PUBLIC, really scared me.

Think about it...How crazy would it be if someone in our family or a friend heard over the radio that we won a contest to help pay for fertility treatments? Also if chosen, we would have to go public with our story! I didn't know if I was comfortable with all of that yet. However, it was such a good opportunity, I felt I would regret if I didn't at least try. Bud was perfectly fine with me doing it. He thought we should take up any opportunity that came our way, if we could. After debating back and forth (seems like all I do these days) I decided to just do it! Submitting your 2 year story in 1000 characters is HARD!! But I gave it a shot. I knew it was highly unlikely for me to actually win something like this...but I couldn't lose all hope! I know there are plenty of women out there that have been trying a lot longer than us and that have experienced worse. As much as I would love to win, deep down I just wanted the person that has struggled the most to win. Struggling with infertility is no joke and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I also wouldn't want someone like me to win if there was another contestant that has been through worse and needed this so much more than us!

I am well aware that my situation could be 100x worse, so I am grateful for the chances I still have. If we didn't win, at least we did still have other options. Even though we didn't really know what those were yet, we knew there was still more for us to explore. It is still mind boggling to me, however, that I am even in this position. I never imagined starting a family was going to be so difficult and heartbreaking. I feel at fault every day. Not only am I delaying my hopes and dreams, I am also keeping Bud from fulfilling his. That broke my heart so much. I just wanted to make him a daddy!

After submitting our story to the radio station, the winner was going to be announced within the next three days or so. I was nervous, but really did not think we were actually going to win. Like I said, I know there are plenty of more deserving women out there.

While listening to the radio the day the winner was going to be announced, I noticed they were also advertising a free event, for anyone struggling with fertility issues, sponsored by a new fertility practice that just opened up IN Louisville. It was called The Round Table Event.

WHAT?!! That is GREAT news, I had to go to this!!

This could be just what we were looking for! A change! As much as I felt I had given up on signs, I began to feel like this was one.

Turns out we did not win the radio contest, as suspected, but hey it was worth a shot! I was just thankful I heard about this new fertility practice in Louisville. It would be amazing if we could find a good doctor to see here in Louisville! I couldn't wait to go to this event they were hosting. You would actually be able to meet the doctors, talk with other women going through the same thing. There would also be specialists there from other fields that help those struggling with infertility.

Bud was all about going and seeing what this was all about. So I signed us up to attend!

| May 19, 2016 |

Today was the day of the Round Table Event, hosted by The Kentucky Fertility Institute. I had to leave right at quitin' time at work to try to get there on time. Traffic was going to be terrible! Bud was planning on meeting me there. He was stuck at a jobsite when I left work but was trying his best to get out of there to make it in time. However, he was on the other side of town, so I was already thinking he was not going to make it. As long as I could make it there, we were good!

I was looking forward to being around other people that understood this struggle. I wasn't going to have to put on a fake smile around them. Hallelujah! I made it there just in time, but it was not looking good for Bud. He was still at the jobsite so I told him not to worry about rushing there. He was of course all worried about me being there by myself, but when I got inside I realized a lot of women were there alone as well. It would be fine!

The event took place in an old historic home in Louisville, which was beautiful. There was a very homey, relaxed feeling I got as I walked through the house. They had round tables, covered in white table cloths set up in the large living rooms on both sides of the house. There were food and drinks set up in the back room. Everyone was helping themselves as I walked in and starting to find their places at the tables. At each seat, there was a tote bag in the chair. Inside of them were water bottles, information packets about the institute that was hosting, and information about their doctors. Also, there was a folder with business cards and brochures for all of the other specialist that were there. I couldn't wait for this event to get started.

You could tell everyone was a little timid, but eager. I don't know why I was so nervous, but I was. I think a part of it had to do with this was actually going to be the first time I spoke about my infertility struggle, out loud, in front of a lot of people (not to mention strangers). I haven't openly talked about our situation, EVER, so it was a little nerve wracking for me.

What if I saw someone I knew? Oh gosh, that part was scary too. Luckily, I did not.

Once everyone was seated, a young lady went around with instructions on how the evening would play out. The doctors that started the practice were going to be going around to each table to meet and talk with everyone. The other specialists and doctors there would be rotating from table to table to meet, as well. That included Psychiatrists, Acupuncturist, Life Coaches, Massage Therapist, Yoga Instructors and Male Fertility Doctors. It was interesting learning from all of them and how their resources can really help people dealing with fertility issues. It was soo unbelievably great to see all of these people together and feel completely at ease for a change.

When I finally got the chance to meet the doctors that opened this fertility institute, it did not take me long to decide that I wanted schedule an appointment with them. They were so nice, caring and you could tell really loved what they did. We had to give this a shot! What other options did we have right now anyway? I felt so comfortable talking to them. They made you feel like you were actually a human being not just another patient. Even though they were a practice that just opened a few months ago, they both had great knowledge and experince in this field. I had already learned a lot that I had no idea about in the 30 minutes a piece I got to talk with them.

If you qualified for IVF and made an appointment with them THAT day, you would get $500 off your IVF treatment. While I had no idea if IVF really was next for us or not, might as well. Plus since we had already been receiving treatment from another doctor, our first consultation appointment with them would be free. We had nothing to lose, so I went a head and scheduled an appointment before I left the event.

Their office was only 30 minutes away, as oppose to 2 hours away! That was amazing, as well.

This could be a great change, hopefully! I was excited to be moving in this direction. I really felt it was right for us and the best decision. When I got home to tell Bud, he could immediately tell how much I enjoyed going to this event. I told him all about the people I met and the doctors. He was bummed that he didn't make it, but he was sooo glad that I did. We were both looking forward to our appointment with them in two weeks!

For once, I actually had a good feeling about this.

Something good had to come out of this, right? Has to!