And Again | IUI 3

January 4, 2016 was my next appointment for the monitoring ultrasound, leading up to our 3rd attempt at the IUI procedure. The only appointment I could get was right in the middle of the day, 12:30 pm. Bud was not going to be able to go with me this time. I was a little sad at first that I was going to be driving up there and back by myself, but it was just for the ultrasound so it was not that big of a deal. Bud felt bad that he couldn't go...really bad. He was still very involved throughout the whole day though. He would call every so often while I was driving to and from the appointment, and I kept him informed during my appointment as well. My ultrasound looked fine, again. He said my lining was good, again. My biggest follicle size was at 14mm. He suggested we do the procedure a day later than the previous two times. I was perfectly fine with that because obviously, those other times did not work so I was ready to mix things up a bit. The doctor kept encouraging me to stay positive throughout the appointment. Then dropped the bomb that if it didn't work this time, we would have to try something else next time.

The doctor did not want to go into too much detail about that, however, because he wanted me to only focus on this cycle. Kind of hard to now after saying that. He said IF there was a next time, it would consist of about 4 to 5 more drug injections, with different brands of those medications, leading up to the insemination. He also mentioned it would be much more expensive! GREAT! He wanted to go ahead and give me a list of those medications so I could check with insurance to see if they would cover any of it. Very little of the medications I had been taking to this point were covered by insurance, so I did not expect these, MORE EXPENSIVE medications, to be covered at all. Of course, by now I was already thinking there was going to be a next time and that was disheartening.

After planting that small seed of the "what if's," he mentioned, "Let's not look too much into that yet, because this cycle is going to be the lucky one!" Gosh, I hope he's right! For some reason though, I just had a feeling now that he was not very confident this cycle was going to work after mentioning a "next time," but then again, maybe that was just my sour attitude jumping to conclusions....I didn't know what to think anymore! I just do not understand how every ultrasound I have before the procedures, everything looks great and normal, but nothing works. What the hell?! We scheduled the procedure for Thursday, 01/07/16. Bud and I are taking the day off of work again on this day. It's just too much to have to come back to work on these days. I'm lucky to have such an understanding manager who has been very supportive and helpful throughout all of this! Bud's co-workers do not know much of anything that's going on at this point, either.

While talking to Bud on my drive back home, he seemed pretty positive...more than me, which has been typical. When I got back to work, I texted him our appointment times for the procedure day because I forgotten to tell him on the phone. His response just made me smile so much...

I am so lucky to have him through this journey! I really do not know how I could get through it without him!

The day of the procedure went just like the past two times, pretty much. On our drive back home we decided this time we would let it run its course. Wait and see if I did get my period and if I went over a week late, then I could take a test. I was not going to stress out about every little symptom I was having or not having. I was not going to worry every day past that 2 week mark day, and just try to let everything be. I needed to start trying to live my life as normal and not constantly obsessing over this.

| DURING THE 2WW |

You know how I said before that my mom's "mommy senses" were crazy good? Well one day during the 2ww, I was having a really bad day. I didn't sleep much because my anxiety was on another level. I have never really had anxiety, but for some reason it was horrible all of the sudden. I am sure it had something to do with me not wanting to face the result of this third procedure, but it was terrible. I could barely concentrate at work.

My mom happened to be off work this day and she texted me not too long before lunch time saying she had to bring me something and would be at my work shortly. This was way out of the norm for my mom, so I had no idea what she was doing. She ended up showing up at work with a bouquet of flowers and a card for me. I was so surprised! I asked her what was the occasion and she said, "No occasion. I just wanted to brighten your day."

CRAAZZZZYY GOOD MOMMY SENSES, I AM TELLIN' YA!

It was so sweet and definitely brought my anxiety level down for the day. She wrote in the card saying how much she loved me and all of that sappy stuff mom's say to their little girls! She is the best!

Bud knew I was having a hard time during this 2ww, as well. He was nervous, too, but he was always more concerned about me.

I seriously cannot wait until he gets to becomes a dad! He is already the best husband, but he is going to be an even better dad. I just know it!

Only a few more days until we hit that 2 week mark, but I am trying not to put too much thought into it. Just let things run its course, like we discussed.

When the weekend finally came, we went over to my cousins house to watch the Louisville game with the family. I had a headache all day and was feeling exhausted, but wanted to get out of the house and be around family. Hopefully that would help get my mind off of things.

We were over there for a couple hours and I just was not feeling well. But again, trying not to think too much about it. It could be anything, but I was literally a bump on a log. I felt something was off, so went upstairs to the bathroom. It wasn't too long after that, I knew why I was feeling like this.